Hmm. Guess its been a while. Lots to things have happened lately, but I really don't feel like outlining things just yet.

I'm sitting here upset watching the inaguration. Bush is an asshole. He shouldn't be in office. I can't even remble on coherently about how much I despise the man.

Everyone I know who is against him...or even those who voted for him and don't agree with everything that he stands for...are wearing black today and not buying anything. Its supposed to be a statement about how much we can affect the economy. I don't know if it will really have any effect though.

He talks about preventing a 'reign of hatred' and tyrrany, etc. Too bad that those things are what he represents. He's done so much to promote those things instead of prevent them.

And if the separation of church and state is in the Constitution, why are there so many prayers in this whole ceremony...why does his whole speech revolve around God? Why did the reverend who spoke at the beginning of the thing state '...one nation, under God, indivisible...' at least twice?

We won't push our laws on the unwilling?? What the Hell!!!??

I despise that man.

He said something about the 'soul of the nation has spoken'. Dumbass. Th soul of the nation is so goddamn split...he thinks he won this thing rightfully and fair. Bullshit. He says he got more votes than any other president ever...no shit! That's because more people than ever came out and voted. HE WON BY THE SMALLEST MARGIN EVER!!!

I just want to cry watching this whole thing. It makes me so angry.

I didn't vote for him 4 years ago, and I didn't vote for him this time around. But I can;t say that I necessarily thought that Kerry was prefect either...I just thought that Kerry could do a much better job.

I think I need to just shut off the tv and go to bed.

Turn on your light shining vacancy...

But I'll pray for you I hope you pray for me...

This is my new theme song. This man gets inside my head like nothing else. I lived it live. I know the man. I need the music.

I know you'll be alright in the ocean of my mind...

I have a serious addiction. Sometimes it scares me. I can't listen the way I want to...need to...used to. Why does it take me weeks even months to get over these things?? The intensity is too much for me. I need to feel like I did then all the time. Its like freaking CRACK for me!!! I can't get enough. I need another fix. Its all I can do not to just leave and follow these people forever...worldwide.

***********

Enough on that now I guess. I need to listen and not think about what it does to me.

So...I'm off to Chicago again this weekend. I wasn't planning to go back for a few weeks. Richard is having a holiday party and there will be people there that I haven't seen in 2 years. Helen and Adam will be there, so I think it will be okay. Hopefully Tim and Jason will be there too. I miss Tim...we have a connection...he saw the wonderful man's music with me. Got me too trashed beforehand though...I was a drunken mess. But it was good.

I'm stopping now. This whole breaking into stream of conciousness jive in the middle of formerly coherent sentences is driving me nuts.

'sweep me off this floor with the devil's broom'

So when I moved here, I knew I'd be able to get out and do a lot more than I had in Bflo just because I would actually have friends here. I never thought I'd be getting out this much though!

Since August, I have only spent 4 weekends in Milwaukee. Almost all of them have been spent in Chicago. Its been wonderful...but I know I'm not going to know what to do with myself when the weather gets too bad to travel much.

I've been going on all out concert binges. Here is a list of the bands I have seen since October:

Rufus Wainwright

Hothouse Flowers

Ellis Paul

Joseph Arthur...twice

Don Conocenti

Jesse Malin

Joan Wasser

And numerous local bar bands and opening acts.

I suppose the list doesn't look as long as I feel it is...its just that all of these shows were just so intense and emotional.

So I had this dream that Lisa Hannigan and I wrote a song together.

She sat me down and forced it out of me and we sang it together. It was a really wonderful song.

I just wish I could remember even a single one of the lyrics! I'm not a songwriter...I so wish I was.

It was an amazing thing. Blood, sweat, and tears being poured out in voices...I wish I could make my own instead of living off what others have made...that I turn into my own.

I need a creative outlet. One that's cheap and doesn't take everything out of me. I need to occupy my time with something other than other people's creations.

Okay! Here I am...now what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?

So, background info for anyone who happens by...and maybe for me lest I forget who I am (which happens more often than you might think).

I'm a 26 year old gal living in Wisconsin for the time being. In the past three years my car has been registered in: Michigan, Illinois, Michigan again, New York, and now Wisconsin. Yes...I get around. Not so much by choice, but just by trying to be a grown up and do the right thing by finding a good job. Obviously, I've found work...but its not what I want to be doing, or its contract and only short term.

I'm trying to deal with the fact that even though I know exactly where I want to be, what I want to be doing, and even who I want to be with...none of those things are going to work out for me. I'm far from all my friends and family and am just trying to make the most of the things that I do have close by.

Hmmm...I don't really seem to have much close by though. I admit it...I'm lonely as hell. I'm a totally social person, but it is just so damn hard to meet new friends after college. Not being forced into social situations has really kept me from being able to meet people with the same interests as me.

It doesn't help that I am THE ONLY female in my office. I work with all guys. Its not all bad...I've always been 'just one of the guys' since college, so we have a ton of fun. Its just good to have some company with a larger level of estrogen sometimes...although I'm generally a tomboy and don't play well with girls who just want to go shoe shopping. I don't have any gal pals here though really...well, this chick Wendy that I know...but she works a completely opposite schedule from me and our times together involve binge drinking and laughing at her friend Patrick...but that's a lot more fun than shoe shopping, that's for sure!

Hmmm...so I have no life, and I'm thinking that having this here 'blog' thingy isn't really going to help my social situation now, is it? Just more time I can devote to playing online I guess.

As long as it keeps me away from pollstar.com it'll have done its job though. I have a serious addiction and need to stop looking at that site. But that'll be the subject of another entry...ooh the suspense.